Grief and loss, losing a pet, therapy for grief
Losing a pet can be one of the hardest, most painful life experiences. For many of us, our pets are our family. They play a very special, unique role in our lives. They can be a consistent source of comfort, joy, and unconditional love. I talk to my patients a lot about ways to incorporate good self-care into their lives. Many of them identify spending time with their pets as one of their favorite go-to, self-soothing activities. Petting their soft fur, watching them play, listening to their funny sounds are all ways we can experience living in the moment and a break from our busy and sometimes stressful lives. It can be devastating when we lose our beloved friends. As I mentioned in my previous blog, sadness lets us know what is important to us. Although there has been quite a bit written on grief, it doesn’t come with a manual. Everyone experiences grief differently. There are no written rules regarding how long you should grieve, exactly what the process should look like, and what will help for everyone. That being said, here are some things to keep in mind during this difficult time:
- However you are feeling is OK. Grieving the death of a pet can bring up many different emotions. Sadness, anger, denial, guilt, loneliness, and nostalgia (the experience of feeling sadness and joy simultaneously) are all normal responses to the loss of a pet. Treat yourself with compassion and kindness, letting go of any judgment about how you should or shouldn’t be feeling. It’s OK to laugh and it’s OK to cry.
- Give yourself what you need. Asking yourself what you need during a highly emotional time can be a tough question to answer. But it’s an important one. For example, do you need time off of work to grieve? If so, how much time? Do you need to nap or go for a walk? Do you need to talk about how you’re feeling or have a fun night out with friends? Talk to others who have lost pets and see what was helpful for them.
- Know when to distract. It might not be helpful to spend all of your time looking at photos of your pet and listening to sad songs. It’s OK to give yourself permission to take a “time out” from your grief. For example, call a friend and go see the latest, mindless comedy in theaters. The stress associated with the death of a pet is emotionally and physically draining. A healthy dose of distraction can help improve mood and energy levels.
- Don’t ignore your pain. On the other hand, constantly distracting yourself so that you end up avoiding your pain will only be harder in the long run. Actively dealing with your grief is the only way to really heal.
- Seek support. Others may not be able to take away our pain, but support can help. There may be people in your life who are sensitive to your pain and help you feel cared for and understood during this difficult time. Others may disappoint you, either by their lack of empathy and help or by minimizing your loss. These experiences can bring up feelings of both connection and disconnection with people in your life. It may be helpful to look to community resources such as pet bereavement support groups and pet loss hotlines.
- Seek professional help if you need it. Seeking the help of a therapist can be a great way to get support. A therapist can provide a safe and empathic space for you to process your grief. A therapist can help you explore ways to honor, celebrate, and say goodbye to your pet. If you have a history of mental health issues, such as depression or substance abuse, grieving can be a particularly challenging time and it’s important to stay connected to on-going care. If you are looking for therapy assistance, don’t be afraid to reach out to a therapist in our office.
